Social Work Career Development: Coping with Grief and Loss

Mourning My Mom

Mourning rituals tend to differ by culture,
Some also vary by family,
The purpose, however, is usually the same,
To show respect for the deceased,
And support for the bereaved,
Shiva is the custom Jewish tradition,
A seven-day mourning period?

Immediately following the burial,
For the immediate family of the deceased,
Consisting of spouse, child, parent or sibling,
The main message received during this time,
You are not alone; there is support,
This offers the mourners a sense of comfort,
During this overwhelming, sorrowful phase.

This was a privilege not granted to me,
Father turned all those who wished to visit away,
Instead of shiva being a way to feel consoled,
A part of a community extending warm arms,
It felt like a prison,
Whereby I had to watch every word,
Or expression I made?

Lest it upset my father,
And so, shiva was not a place of solace,
With relatives and friends stopping by,
Sharing stories and memories,
As it had been in the past,
With the loss of beloved relatives.
Strangely enough, modern technology?

Enabled us all to obtain some consolation,
Many people were kind and offered condolences,
Emailed and/or shared cherished memories of mom,
Via social media, on her facebook page,
Providing us with stories and pictures to review and ponder,
Something for us to hold onto?
Cling to in our grief.

I am now back home,
And am wondering,
Whether to conduct another ?mini? shiva,
Along with my local friends and family,
To allow me to truly mourn,
To express what I feel without reservation,
So that I may be wrapped in some caring hugs,

I have faced the death of loved ones before,
Helped dear relatives in their battles,
Against cancer or other ailments,
But the loss of my mom is like no other,
I find myself revisiting and reliving,
The suffering she went through,
What I wished she could have been spared?

To what end, am I doing this evaluation?
No turning back of the clock or,
Anguish can be undone,
And yet, I persist for some reason,
To understand, to accept the new reality,
That my mom is no longer here,
And is truly at peace now.

As much as I miss her,
And wish she could have lived,
For even a few more days,
To allow us more time,
To talk, chat or just be,
I must accept the reality,
The finality of her death.

I am feeling so very sad,
My heart and soul weep,
For the anguish she went through,
For the time we no longer have,
Oh, how I wish I could hold onto her,
But let go I must,
She is resting now.

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Source: http://www.dorleem.com/2012/12/coping-with-grief-and-loss.html

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